You Can't Heal While You're Still Bleeding

When we discuss healing from trauma, particularly in cases involving ongoing harassment and cyberstalking, we often overlook a critical truth: you cannot heal while you're still bleeding. This powerful metaphor encapsulates the experience of countless victims who are offered mental health support as a substitute for justice.

The reality of trauma recovery is far more complex than most institutions acknowledge. While therapy provides valuable tools for processing trauma and developing coping mechanisms, it cannot replace accountability or stop ongoing harm. Too often, authorities, educational institutions, and even well-meaning individuals present therapy as a checkbox solution—a way to absolve themselves of deeper responsibility while placing the burden of resolution squarely on the victim's shoulders.

Consider the experience of being cyber-stalked and harassed. When someone reports this violation to authorities, the response often follows a predictable pattern: "Have you considered talking to someone?" This question, while seemingly supportive, shifts focus from the perpetrator's actions to the victim's mental state. It subtly suggests that the problem lies not with the harasser but with how the victim is processing the experience. This is a form of institutional gaslighting that compounds the original trauma.

Privacy concerns present another significant barrier to healing. For victims of cyberstalking, the very therapy sessions meant to provide safety become compromised when stalkers can access or monitor these intimate conversations. Imagine the vulnerability of opening up about your deepest fears, only to have those revelations weaponized against you. The violation of this therapeutic sanctuary creates a double bind: you need support to process your trauma, but seeking that support exposes you to further harm.

Equally concerning is when mental health professionals question the reality of a victim's experience. When a therapist expresses doubt about whether harassment is actually occurring, they inadvertently align themselves with the gaslighting tactics of abusers. For healing to begin, validation is essential. Someone must acknowledge: "What happened to you was wrong, and we're going to do something about it."

The spiritual dimension of healing adds another layer to this complex picture. Trauma doesn't just affect our psychological well-being; it shakes our sense of meaning and connection to something greater. Spiritual practices—whether prayer, meditation, or other forms of devotion—can provide profound comfort and restoration. However, like therapy, spiritual support works best as a complement to justice, not a replacement for it.

What's often missing from our approach to trauma recovery is integration. Effective healing requires addressing all three dimensions: mental health support to process the trauma, spiritual guidance to restore meaning, and systemic justice to ensure safety and accountability. This integrated approach honors the full humanity of survivors rather than reducing them to a problem to be managed.

The dangers of dismissal extend beyond the individual victim. When institutions routinely refer victims to therapy without addressing abuse, they create environments where perpetrators operate with impunity. This approach not only fails to protect current victims but enables future harm. It communicates that certain behaviors, while technically wrong, carry no meaningful consequences.

For those supporting survivors, it's crucial to understand that healing isn't linear or tidy. It's a messy, non-linear process that looks different for each person. When we stop looking for shortcuts and start honoring the full humanity of survivors, real healing becomes possible. This means acknowledging that mental health support, spiritual healing, and justice are not competing alternatives but complementary necessities.

The next time you encounter someone who has experienced trauma, particularly ongoing harassment, remember the bandage metaphor. Don't just offer them a bandage while they're still being cut. Help them stop the bleeding first. Listen without questioning their reality. Validate their experience. And most importantly, stand with them in seeking accountability—because true healing begins when the source of harm is removed or confronted.